It’s been so long since I’ve played tennis that my racquet cover has both Pete Sampras and what appears to be mildew on it.

Needless to say, I’ve been icing my everything after playing for better part of an hour.

I made a “leftover food” frittata. I gave up trying to make it in an iron skillet - it didn’t matter how many recipes I tried or how much butter I used - it would always stick! And trust me, I used that excuse to use as much butter as possible.

ACCEPTABLE SELFIE ON THE FIRST TRY?! (Please don’t disagree with me.) My “photography skills” are strong today. Either that, or I’ve taken so many selfies over the years I’ve finally gotten the hang of it. Hear that, Kim Kardashian? You’re not the only one who has enough material to publish a selfie coffee table book. Whether or not people would ever buy mine, well, that’s a completely different matter.
Some things:
1. Starbucks is intentionally cold. After patronizing this joint for several weeks now, I’ve determined they do this on purpose to prevent all the “writers” from hogging the tables for too long. Also, it forces people to constantly crave more coffee to both stay awake and warm. Jokes on them - I brought my parka and supplemental beverages. But seriously, Starbucks, YOU’RE FREEZING US TO DEATH.
2. I have DOMS… from sneezing. My abs will be visible any day now if these allergies don’t calm down. Wait. On second thought… *keeps sneezing*
3. A certain someone has informed me I’m not supposed to be opening birthday cards I receive in the mail until my actual birthday. I had no idea I married such a party pooper tyrant.
4. I had to force myself to get out of bed and be a productive member of society. As of the writing of this post I have yet to pull off the “productive” part.
5. I may or may not have received my first legit anon hate mail yesterday. At first I was supremely excited, like, am famous now? But it was just some troll giving me grief for sticking up for another tumblr. It was weirdly specific hate mail too, like they took the time to get to know me and my weaknesses. Now that is some dedicated trolling. But since I don’t publish garbage on my blog (shhhhh don’t disagree with me) into the trash the message went.
6. Speaking of mean anon messages… Dudes, I went to a Baptist school with some of the most heinous mean girls on the planet. FOR NINE YEARS. I’m impervious to those shenanigans. Or maybe I’m just an unfeeling sociopath. Meh, either way.
This concludes Thursday Things with Amy.

ACCEPTABLE SELFIE ON THE FIRST TRY?! (Please don’t disagree with me.) My “photography skills” are strong today. Either that, or I’ve taken so many selfies over the years I’ve finally gotten the hang of it. Hear that, Kim Kardashian? You’re not the only one who has enough material to publish a selfie coffee table book. Whether or not people would ever buy mine, well, that’s a completely different matter.

Some things:

1. Starbucks is intentionally cold. After patronizing this joint for several weeks now, I’ve determined they do this on purpose to prevent all the “writers” from hogging the tables for too long. Also, it forces people to constantly crave more coffee to both stay awake and warm. Jokes on them - I brought my parka and supplemental beverages. But seriously, Starbucks, YOU’RE FREEZING US TO DEATH.

2. I have DOMS… from sneezing. My abs will be visible any day now if these allergies don’t calm down. Wait. On second thought… *keeps sneezing*

3. A certain someone has informed me I’m not supposed to be opening birthday cards I receive in the mail until my actual birthday. I had no idea I married such a party pooper tyrant.

4. I had to force myself to get out of bed and be a productive member of society. As of the writing of this post I have yet to pull off the “productive” part.

5. I may or may not have received my first legit anon hate mail yesterday. At first I was supremely excited, like, am famous now? But it was just some troll giving me grief for sticking up for another tumblr. It was weirdly specific hate mail too, like they took the time to get to know me and my weaknesses. Now that is some dedicated trolling. But since I don’t publish garbage on my blog (shhhhh don’t disagree with me) into the trash the message went.

6. Speaking of mean anon messages… Dudes, I went to a Baptist school with some of the most heinous mean girls on the planet. FOR NINE YEARS. I’m impervious to those shenanigans. Or maybe I’m just an unfeeling sociopath. Meh, either way.

This concludes Thursday Things with Amy.

Delirious, allergy medicine selfie, anyone? My pleasure. 

Last time I sneezed out this much brain matter, a feline foe was the culprit. I got nothing this time around. And if I take anymore allergy medicine, I may start hallucinating. 

Does anyone else see that dancing unicorn with the face of Michael Fassbender? Just me then?

It would appear it’s too late.

Delirious, allergy medicine selfie, anyone? My pleasure.

Last time I sneezed out this much brain matter, a feline foe was the culprit. I got nothing this time around. And if I take anymore allergy medicine, I may start hallucinating.

Does anyone else see that dancing unicorn with the face of Michael Fassbender? Just me then?

It would appear it’s too late.

1-3. Green stuff goodness. I’m like the lazy characters in the Little Red Hen when it comes to this garden. I don’t do any of the work (because bugs and dirt are gross) but I really do reap the rewards. So, nice try picture books, you lied to me - I still get to eat the “bread.”

4-6. Attempting to be healthier than I have been. My emotions very much want to medicate my recent apathy and sometime-sadness with carb-laden troughs of food. However, my brain realizes this behavior leads to more sad times. Besides, I’d really love it if Phil recognized me when I eventually get to England… “Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there. I mean, obviously, I saw you, a mass that size is kinda hard to miss.” <——- please note: these words would never come out of that man’s mouth. Keeper. (Pinterest recipes for prosciutto wrapped asparagus & avocado salsa salmon.)

7-8. Go big or go home. I attempted to BUTI for the first time in weeks. As a result, my fingers are now my only operational body parts. I took my outdoor movie idea and projected my workout onto a sheet draped over a car in my sister’s garage. Classy innovator right here. It was so much fun on a bigger screen with speakers blasting music. You’re welcome, neighbors.

9. Witchcraft. In bed and asleep by 10:15pm? Awake by 7:30? One-hundred percent sleep quality? LIES. I woke up feeling like I’d been roofied. I really need to lay off the Benadryl.

Insert witty conclusion to post here.

BRB. Off to set up a live streaming website where people will pay to watch me eat. I mean, I’mma keep my clothes on so it’ll all be on the up and up, ya know?

Food. It’s art. It’s life. Sometimes it’s my addiction.

Special shout out to the Pinterest rabbit hole I fell down this morning which resulted in this cooking frenzy. Alfredo made healthier FTW.

"It must’ve been love, but it’s over now."

Angry that I’m full and must stop eating.

Absolutely amazing BBQ, Mac-n-cheese and sweet jalapeño cornbread.

Maybe if I sit here long enough I’ll get hungry again?

One of the unexpected side effects of moving to another country is a sudden appreciation for the one you currently live in - more specifically, I can’t get enough of Cincinnati.

I spent most of my life lamenting the fact that I didn’t live somewhere “cooler.” But now that I’m leaving for a few years I can’t help but look around with fresh perspective.

Baseball, Midwestern politeness, questionably safe river that’s still nice to look at, revitalized urban living, incredible music scene, casinos, horse racing, clean parks, BBQ, and a gorgeous skyline that makes my heart happy when I drive into the city.

Besides these obvious attractions, I’m also starting to appreciate the little things - things I didn’t even know were special or unique until recently.

It was so nice to experience of few of these things with becky-balances last night. The internet is now my go-to for the coolest people. Hey, it snagged me a husband, so why not some awesome friends?

If it ain’t broke…

Wanna know a fun way to distract yourself from bored-eating the contents of your kitchen while also looking like a complete jackass in the process? It&#8217;s easy. All you have to do is scroll through your tumblr dash and catch wind of a DIY beauty treatment. Then hop on over to Pinterest and become completely overwhelmed by all the fun ways you can defuzz your mane and your body&#8230;
I saw that littlejandthecity mentioned a hair treatment involving coconut butter and olive oil and since my hair as been looking more and more like something you sweep the floor with I decided to give it a go.
First, I did an apple cider vinegar rinse on my hair. "Hmmmm, interesting smell so far. Like someone rubbed Fritos all over their sweaty feet." 
Then I applied the coconut and olive oil slime onto my hair only to realize I didn&#8217;t have a shower cap.
So, yes, that is a plastic bag on my head. Recycling, y&#8217;all. I used the blow dryer to melt the concoction into my hair follicles but had to stop once the bag started smelling like a meth lab *thisclose* to blowing up. (Not that I know what a meth lab smells like&#8230;)
Did it work? I have no idea. All I know is that my hair now smells like sweaty feet slathered in coconut.
Next up: homemade callus-eroding paste. Shhhh, it&#8217;ll be fine.

Wanna know a fun way to distract yourself from bored-eating the contents of your kitchen while also looking like a complete jackass in the process? It’s easy. All you have to do is scroll through your tumblr dash and catch wind of a DIY beauty treatment. Then hop on over to Pinterest and become completely overwhelmed by all the fun ways you can defuzz your mane and your body…

I saw that littlejandthecity mentioned a hair treatment involving coconut butter and olive oil and since my hair as been looking more and more like something you sweep the floor with I decided to give it a go.

First, I did an apple cider vinegar rinse on my hair. "Hmmmm, interesting smell so far. Like someone rubbed Fritos all over their sweaty feet."

Then I applied the coconut and olive oil slime onto my hair only to realize I didn’t have a shower cap.

So, yes, that is a plastic bag on my head. Recycling, y’all. I used the blow dryer to melt the concoction into my hair follicles but had to stop once the bag started smelling like a meth lab *thisclose* to blowing up. (Not that I know what a meth lab smells like…)

Did it work? I have no idea. All I know is that my hair now smells like sweaty feet slathered in coconut.

Next up: homemade callus-eroding paste. Shhhh, it’ll be fine.

"Red beans and rice didn&#8217;t miss her*&#8230;"

Fortunately, I remembered these lyrics as I was about to go back for seconds. I changed my mind since this &#8220;baby got back&#8221; already. 

Isn&#8217;t that life though? You finally stop screwing up recipes and start making tasty dishes that you want to bury your face in but have to refrain unless you&#8217;re willing to start using the seatbelt extender on airplanes. 

Or maybe that isn&#8217;t life and I got the wrong handbook at the used book store. 



*Really, let&#8217;s just say food in general&#8230;

"Red beans and rice didn’t miss her*…"

Fortunately, I remembered these lyrics as I was about to go back for seconds. I changed my mind since this “baby got back” already.

Isn’t that life though? You finally stop screwing up recipes and start making tasty dishes that you want to bury your face in but have to refrain unless you’re willing to start using the seatbelt extender on airplanes.

Or maybe that isn’t life and I got the wrong handbook at the used book store.

*Really, let’s just say food in general…

There are few things more disheartening than realizing how out of shape you’ve become, and therefore, few things more terrifying than realizing you’ve also agreed to a parcourse park workout with udandi on a hot-as-balls summer day. My sweat is sweating it’s so hot.

It’s never cool to be plodding around only to think, “when did moving my body require this much effort??”

I seriously considered lying down on that sit-up bench for the rest of the workout.

We powered through and had some laughs in the process. There may have even been a detour to the playground for some climbing and sliding and I may have been surprised when my caboose went down the slide without getting lodged. 

Score one for new parks accommodating America’s growing youth…